The start

Thirteen Grandmothers

Never did I realize the poignancy of this piece when I created it for my fiftieth birthday. Here I am balancing being a woman in renal failure with being a mum, wife, worker, artist, holding my power whilst navigating the medical system, dreaming of wellness and all the things I could do with the rest of my life once I've a new , hopefully happy and functioning kidney.This is one of my favourite pieces...I love the balance and the lizard , surrounded by the thirteen turtles...they symbolize the thirteen moons we have in a year...where that phrase comes from 'once in a blue moon', that's the thirteenth moon. Appropriate metaphor when I think about my husband of thirty years being a match for my kidney....how often does that happen?....I bet there's a research project there in spouses being compatible for 'body parts'.....and its especially lucky for me as my blood group is B +, which means as its one of the less common blood groups I was told that I could be waiting along time for a kidney off the organ donation list..that a 'live 'donor was indeed my best option.....more of that and its implications later.

I was sat in my little garden with a brew early this morning pondering on why it seems so difficult to start this blog and came up with it makes what is happening to me, my family and friends somehow more real. It somehow crisps up some things that probably most of the time I shove to the edges of my awareness…not because I’m in denial but because who wants to dwell in a space that somehow puts the spotlight on your own mortality. So where to begin….maybe about where I’m currently up to.

Well I think the proper label is I’m in ‘end term renal failure’, ’worked up for transplant’, have a ‘live donor’ who is also ‘worked up’ for transplant and am awaiting a theatre date. In normal speak my kidneys are knackered having lots of cysts occupying them, I have had all the tests necessary to make sure I’m suitable for transplant, I have a wonderful and compatible husband whom is gifting me one of his kidneys who also has had loads of tests to make sure he’s healthy enough to donate his kidney and we are now at the penultimate part of the process in waiting for a date for ‘our’ operations! Simple eh? Far from it…I would never have realized beforehand the complexity of the issues it raises…….it is so not just a ‘plumbing job’, it’s like an emotional enema that raises layer upon layer of issues…some serious some funny.

So this blog is a way in which I can talk about them in an expressive way……I love to create and I have found the images I make often help tell my story, and allow me to notice things that are just slightly out of my eye line so to speak. Being creative helps me so I intend to use my art work to develop some of my thinking around what this kidney failure and ‘transplant’ process raises. I’ll be creating new work and also revisiting some of the stories around completed work…. thought it’d be an interesting project to be both distracted and engaged with what’s happening to me.

I just need to add I have a tendency to make up words and sometimes my spelling is attrotious….even with spell check , so please be forgiving with this.I don’t know about the frequency of the updates on the blog, I suspect that if I’m caught up in creating stuff there will be lots of updates, however intend to at least update once a week……over the weekend if nothing had been posted in the previous week. My experience with my mouth is once I’m on a roll I’ve got lots to say!