At Last

At last!!!!So sorry I haven't been on the blog since May,I will explain why,firstly the TB  made me so ill I wasn't able to engage with anything except what feels like fighting for my life and then as I've picked up at the end of the year every time I turned the blog on it flipped me back into a space I didn't want to dwell in.But as time moves on the trauma of what is now on this New Years Day...last year,  makes it easier to reconnect.So thank you for your patience and continued support. Guess a recap would be useful and then you'll understand why......
The treatment for TB is a particular aggressive ,it involves combination therapy consisting of a mixture of six aggressive antibiotics for two months, then the combination is reduced to three, basically they take out the three that make you vomit all the time,smell like a damp dog and cause anxiety and depression.Then you remain on these until they are fairly sure the TB  gone,but no guarantees. I'm still on these drugs till February then the Prof says he'll review it. Unfortunately there is no test to tell them if its gone and as I have  got it in my lymph nodes I think they want to be certain.I did develop another abscess,no where near the seriousness of the initial one and for some reason when you get TB in your lymph nodes you can even still develop them after the TB has receded...one of those unfortunate things! I have been dressing free on the initial abscess for a week now,so it took ten months for my body to repair itself...that's plaster on my neck for ten months,the nurses think I've got rhinoceros skin!
The staff at the MRI both in the transplant clinic and the TB clinic have been fantastic and say I was a tough woman and amazed I managed the treatment at home.Think it was horrendous as also managing renal meds, which the TB drugs disaffected, hence on hefty doses of steroids and anti rejection drugs. The TB made the whole process both life threatening and problematic.
 BUT now reducing both the steroids  and anti rejection meds,and I can stop injecting myself with iron as the renal anaemia has eventually receded.I still attend clinic weekly but hopefully when we get the drugs and side effects under control then these will be reduced.

So I have turned a corner and I can honestly say I have never experienced anything like that first two months on the TB regime. I vomited constantly. the TB night sweats were  awful especially combined with the antibiotic that made you smell, thank god we could afford a washer and dryer.They were so debilitating towards the end that I couldn't walk.However as each day passes I can  feel the benefit of my new kidney, Martyn not only saved  my life with his kidney ,he ,my family and friends have been fantastic throughout the process. I am indebted indeed for those folk who went the distance with me,accepted how the drugs affected me so badly, who held my life force when I could not and offered compassion,empathy and understanding.This has been a long process, and there is still both physical and emotional healing to do.But I feel pretty fantastic, I'm starting to reconnect with my creativity and I am ready to engage with work again. I have come back different from this experience, I will speak more about that in later blogs. But I notice food tastes sharper, the wind feels good on my face,my ability to be discerning about what I want to do and which relationships I want in my life is clearer.So enough for now on the first day of 2013 which feels is full of potential.
Happy New Year and may it be gentle and life enhancing for all of us.
Tracey x