Anxious

Distraction Baking

The aprons interesting but even more interesting is our enormous enamel mixing bowl which was my mums and I use it every Christmas to make the cakes.

Well its the day before Marts appointment, the first snow has fallen in Oldham and I'm feeling anxious.Its a funny kind of anxiety..anxious to get a transplant date and anxious about getting one! I'm still in abit of denial..that goes ''if I keep my world small this is not really happening to me!' So to head of my anxiety I'm very busy, well as busy as my body will let me.....Christmas cake icing, chutney making,I've knitted an aran jumper and unbelievably my house has never been as tidy! Sad eh? I'm not normally renowned for my gleaming house. I remember once asking my kids what they'd put in my epitaph..Pete said 'she wore her food in her hair so well! [ its a draw back of having  long locks....you could also include in here glue, grout and more recently Christmas glitter]. Jenny's was 'she had no sensible shoes' which was a strange one at the time as I was still in my stomping phase, dock Martins and suits, but definitely no heels!
Mine was 'she didn't have tidy draws but the coffees always excellent ! ' Think this was probably a protest at my mums ability to tidy up to an inch of her life...which in frustration at not coming up to her standard of tidiness led me to do a tapestry which still hangs in my kitchen which proudly states 'a tidy kitchen is a sign of a dull women.' So by that standard I'm far from dull AND far from tidy. I like to think this is about being creative but I have to say I have some extremely creative friends who are also very tidy!

Anyway back to the pre Tuesday anxiety. A great friend of mine sent me this poem, which is spot on for me at the moment.

The Peace of Wild Things
Wendell Berry

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s life may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water,
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.